How to create inner peace when you are engaged in a difficult interaction with another person
Welcome back. In the last article I spoke about creating more ease around healing a certain situation that could be weighing on you. And I wrote about our willingness to drop down into our hearts so we could feel our feelings and our own true experience of what is occurring in the moment. I mentioned that opening to Love from a grounded heart-centred place within oneself is what will lead to the most healing experience for all involved.
For many of people though, and maybe even for you, this might seem like a distant dream especially when you find yourself in reactivity to a sensitive issue and/or when the person you are engaged with may be unaware of your need for mutuality and consideration.
A few recent sessions with clients have brought to light the need to clarify what actually defines harmonic and compassionate communication between ourselves and others.
Here is an example along with some things to consider when you are feeling a negative impact within the interaction and ways to be authentic in your communication.
Have you even been engaged with a person who is talking at you instead of engaged in conversation with you? Meaning that they aren’t truly connected with you and therefore aren’t really listening to what you have to say? Not only, but when you do try to speak up, they drown you out by talking faster and louder which leaves you feeling frustrated by not being able to participate mutually in the conversation.
You want to walk away or hang up but you remain standing there or listening out of obligation and for fear of hurting their feelings, or worse, what they might think if you left the conversation.
The end result? You are frustrated, you feel unacknowledged and resentful with towards this person. You wish you would have darted out of there much earlier!
So what do you do when you are in a situation where you aren’t feeling heard or considered by the other and you are unsure of how to react and what to do?
Maybe your tendency is to do all you can to avoid conflict and confrontation yet, it keeps happening. Maybe your tendency is to back down into a state of passivity? Or maybe you get irritated and say something you wish you hadn’t said?
Here are a few suggestions at what to look for on an inner level so you can stay true to yourself and engage in a way that are authentic to both of you.
When you are feeling inwardly reactive:
- Notice and track your reactivity by breathing deeply and noticing where in your body you are feeling the reactive tension. Stay with your breadth.
- Take a gentle stand for yourself and your experience by acknowledging how you feel in the moment.
- Notice internally what specifically is triggering your reactive state. What is being said to you or what behaviour from the other person is triggering you? And from this understanding, what thoughts, feelings and beliefs about yourself are you agreeing with at a subtle level that is creating this reaction within you? *(notice that at some level you believe something that is untrue about you or you wouldn’t be reactive.)
If the conversation isn’t satisfying to you and you feel lack of connection between yourself and the other person, gently interrupt and state what you need in the moment. If you have an emotional connection with this person and you share a certain amount of trust with them you could state that you are feeling disconnected and you would like to take a moment so you can come back in mutual connection with them.
If though, you just want to get away but are feeling nervous about doing so and therefore oblige yourself to stay, ask yourself the following questions:
- What am I afraid will happen if I walk away in a way that is kind to both of us?
- How do I judge my need to walk away from an interaction that isn’t inclusive for me or of me?
- Am I more worried about being judged by this person than I am about taking care of my own needs?
- If I move away, what is the worst possible thing they could think about me that might affect the way I see myself? The way they see me?
These questions above will give you much insight into the fears you might have about taking caring action for yourself and what caring action might be for you.
What could open up for you and what possibilities might come about if you were respectful of your own needs as opposed to putting others’ needs before your own?
*In the next segment we will be looking at some very definite interactions between yourself and others and the best way to take care of yourself within those interactions. We will then explore what deeper information those reactions hold for you so that they stop triggering you the way they do.
Stay tuned for Part III…….