What you believe to be your reality isn’t always objective truth
The lens of your mind
Psychology, psychiatry, behavioural medicine, cognitive science, neuroscience and quantum physics have been studying the phenomena of the lens and filters through which we perceive our personal experiences.
This lens or filter in YOU is also known as the Reticular activating system that continues to create a certain specific reality that is in line with your personal experiences and, the way you perceive and believe things to be in any moment in time.
Hang on, it get easier!
This lens doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with objective reality by the way. Your brain will only let in certain information and cancels out the rest so that it can keep in synch with the information that you already know and that you have experienced and stored as memory within you.
How the lens links to fear
What if you didn’t have the emotional nourishment, witnessing and love you really needed to experience a sense of security and self-trust as you grew into adulthood?
And, what if this has created doubt with the way you need to stand up for yourself today based on your prior experiences?
Marianna’s lens through which she struggled
Marianna was struggling with a bullying situation at work where she felt awkward and most often anxious around her colleagues who would sometimes form a group with a head leader and bully the other colleagues who weren’t part of that group.
This was a clear case of mobbing.
When the group was under pressure to get a project out, there was a heavy amount of bullying that went on. During these intense assignments Marianna would develop skin eczema and on some days she would wake up with small clumps of hair on her pillow in the morning. Her hair was thinning from the stress and her skin was in a bad state and she was worried!
When I met Marianna, she had been through a number of years of intense inner work due to growing up in a deeply dysfunctional family system. She had come to me through a referral in order to dis-create some limiting beliefs she still had around her self-confidence and most especially with allowing herself the space to tune into her own needs and set appropriate boundaries with others.
Whilst Marianna has a significant managerial position and is very adept at handling challenges, when the crunch time comes and everyone is on edge, Marianna retracts and falls into feeling victimised. Whilst the bullying that goes on isn’t directed towards her in particular, she is very affected and is struggling with standing up for herself.
In her coaching session, Marianna was able to contact her Higher Self and feel into that eternal part of her that is wise, peaceful and has the clarity to understand at a higher level how she can shift her fear of falling prey to this victimisation.
What she discovered was that those feelings of being victimised belonged to a time when she was a very young child where she was laughed at and rejected by some of her school mates because of a hip problem she was borne with. One leg was slightly shorter than the other and she therefore walked with a slight limp which left her feeling scarred.
The deeper dynamics and how they evolved in her present
Marianna is a ‘highly sensitive person’ (hsp) and as a highly sensitive person she tends to quickly pick up on others’ emotions and resonate with them in a way that she becomes overwhelmed. Due to her highly empathic nature, it is easy for to lose contact with herself and her own needs.
From a very young age she little by little left her inner world in order to protect herself and to ward off the negativity that was thrown at her.
She didn’t understand that she could just walk away and leave her school mates behind. She found her way around the rejection through being compliant and accommodating towards them.
The true problem solver
In her coaching session, Marianna’s higher Self had spoken to her emotional self who was struggling with her uneasiness around the conflict of standing up to the bullying situation that she and her colleagues were experiencing.
Her Higher Self with much compassion had the clarity to show her everyday emotional self that a pattern of compliance was repeating from the past and that she actually had many more choices to put into action than she was actually seeing. Even though complying felt safe, it created more havoc in the end and kept her feeling powerless to make the changes she really wanted within her work environment.
Marianna’s Higher Self and her everyday self, came up with a list of solutions and strategies that she could put into action in a safe and sensible way. And through seeing that she did indeed have many more options today than she had as a small child, she left her session peaceful and centred knowing she could call on her inner wisdom in moments of confusion and self-doubt.
It is your turn now
If your inner lens is still creating old scenarios in your present adult life, know that it just takes your willingness to create that little bit of a shift so you can create that connection with a deeper more loving aspect of yourself.
It is this aspect of YOU, your Higher Self that can bring down the higher problem solving messages to your everyday self so you can lift the veils of confusion within you and set you free.